Warning to future-self if reading this n years/months/days later, please do note that this is very offensive and very unfilial of you. You are not a good daughter, and hopefully after n years/months/days, you can change this kind of thoughts. Guilty card thrown.
I don't know when, but suddenly I have become the ultimate example of the baddest ass shit daughter. I don't really know when to start, hoping that this would be short, but then I can't really.
Let's just say I'm immature as fuck, and then I am a 18 year old girl who doesn't act like a 18 year old girl. I'm suppose to be those adults by then, but then in Malaysia or I don't know, 18 doesn't mean anything at all. Like I don't know all those people outside, internationally, their 18 year old is definitely a damn fun year or something.
I, like most of many people, wants money. And I mean financially stable, because with my below average grades, it's very difficult for me to get a scholarship to study overseas, and now with our currency dropping at such magnitude, I'm feeling very lost. Mainly because with the decrease like this, university expenses has risen so much and expensive.
And then, is my parents stock thing. Because stock markets has basically become one of my life-saver when it comes to money. I mean, with investing the right market, one can have some side-income, right? Tbh, I know shit nothing about stock markets, but i tend to keep an eye on my parents stock. Few months ago, I always checked their phone stock app. And see how is the market going. Keep it short my parents invested a lot in buying different companies' stocks, and some went well, and some went REALLY FUCKING ****** BAD.
I mean, even someone as fucking stupid and have no shit about stock can understand what does the green plus sign and the red minus sign mean right? Let's just say there is this X company, from CHINA, and sell stationary. At one point (Last December or something) the indicator shows -40%. what the actual fuck. And I asked my dad, why is he still holding onto this one? He said we have to wait, for it to rise again. So I think okay, I can be patient, two months later, -50%. I asked the same question, and I get the same answer. And I got real mad and told him, if I were him, I will stop it. Because yeah right I lost 50% of my shares, but better be safe than sorry right? I mean, you lose 50% but you won't lose 60% right? Then you can try to invest another market and who knows, maybe you can get something else. But no one listens, because I'm just a dumb girl who knows nothing about stocks. I got so desperate, I even check the stock market, watch stock tv programmes, watch some taiwan show talking about investments and shit. And then this year, gst came (not relevant), and then the currency drop shit came, and they still hold onto this particular company. I totally give up, I didn't even check with the damn stocks anymore.
TO BE FUCKING HONEST, WHY CAN'T ANYBODY JUST BE EASILY SATISFIED WHEN IT COMES TO THIS SHIT?????
EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME, my parents will discuss this matter, and then they will say how they regret this selling this stock, how they regret buying this stock. CBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBCBC.
I mean, if you can be a little bit more satisfied by those little money you earned and can take it back away when you think it's enough, then it should be fucking enough.
I know I don't know damn shit about stock market ( nth time I'm saying this) and my parents always say, you never know what is going to happen in the future, but to me, STOCK IS A RISK, it's no game where you can always win, there will always be ups and downs. And I know that, when you see a stock you bought going up so high, and you yearned for more, and when you see a slight drop, and you hope that it will go up again. And this never ending cycle, even if it drop to fucking -40% low, you still hope that it will rise again. This is just pure greed, and everyone has it. Even me, if i ever saw my stock going up, of course i won't just stop, and if I saw a drop, i will definitely hold to it, because unless you really have those damn genius 经济顾问 that can help you do with your stocks, and you have confident in him/her enough and listen to what the says, then I will hope that tomorrow will rise. I have to say, investing is not as easy as it seems, the drop and going up can change anytime any second, and the magnitude can be big and can be small. In my family's case, when a stock rise to 20-30% it's just merely earning something like RM20-RM100, which is very little, compared to the 10 or 100 times of money you just invested. It can be big when very big, and small when very small. Even if you just got sibeh lucky and you got a 100% rise (which is never), you can only get as much as RM2000-RM9000, ON THIS CASE ONLY, because the more money you invest the more you can earn. And let's just say, my parents are no "more money". So investing is very difficult, and very very dangerous. But when you got the hang of it, then you got it.
THERE SHOULD BE A LIMIT.
Eventually I got to a conclusion, that if I were to have to do minor investments ( IF IF IF IF), for going up there wont be a limit, because who don't like money? However, the maximum lost I can get, is 30%, once it drops 30%, I will take it out. No matter if I earned like 1 dollar, or nothing, or lose money, I no give shit. 30% is my limit.
yeah right, easier said than done, plus I don't even have the money to invest. At a time my mother asked me how much do i have in my bank account, and I told her. And she said I can invest, and how many can I do?
一粒
just one. (in comparison, my parents can do up to 5000~10000)
and this one thing, can only got me RM10 if i were really lucky. like what? I can lost 500 if im not even careful. So i didn't buy it.
After this shitty long ass story, I even feel like sleeping after typing this, I just want to show off to you guys how stupid am I, for trying to reach shit I don't even know about. And I hate this place, I hate Malaysia so much, my house, the environment, and government, I just don't like it. Of course I probably cry like fuck if i were ever kicked out of the house with no money and such. Money has become one my priorities, for real, without money, there is nothing. For education, for food, for daily necessities, everything needs money.
Of course I also have this ideal thought that my life won't always be surround with money. Like my parents, they are not super rich nor super poor, but we still get to go to london to paris to japan to many countries, and that is because they are willing to spend it, and that they are financially stable. Yes, thats the word. Financially stable, i won't be working every damn hour and neglecting my family (ehem ehem ehem if i ever have one) or my cat (most likely to have one)
This place, has made me a very bad person.
A very very bad person. I hurt people, my friends my family, I am not able to reach out to new things. This very small cramped place has made me feel restricted. It could be my problem, my problem for not earning it myself. But everytime, things happening here, made me want to fight back and stay away from them. And when I went to other countries, they make want to change. A change of environment. Especially Japan, the people are so nice, it makes you want to be nice to them as well. But all I can see here, is just stubborn people and idiotic, money cheating system. Of course im fake, if people treat me good then i treat them good, treat me bad and i treat them bad. I am a vain person, rubbing people ass and such. But a change of environment maybe can help me start over.
Like just now, degrading and scolding my parents like that, it only makes me more hateful. But then, I so wanna go away, and have my own life. Alone, with a friend, with a cat, whatever. I just want to stay away from them. Because I want to explore life myself. I'm not saying it's better. It could be the worst day of my entire life. Have to pay rent, live in a space smaller than my bedroom, cook 3 meals on my own, grocery shopping myself, work day and night, restless. It is tiring, but worth it. I make my own decision, my own life.
People now will say, I'm just bragging, and only moved my mouth not my ass. Say that I'm having stupid thoughts and just being a brat.
And there will also be people who tell my to just study and don't think so much stupid things.
But I just want to say, I'm so sick and tired of people telling me what to do, what to say, what to think. I just want someone to hear me out, and all I every get is "go back to study". This phrase, is very good. The guilt card to thrown to you. But no, either you correct me and say that I was wrong and correct me on my view of stocks or this country or my behaviour, or you say nothing.
That's the end of part 1
I used too much time. So part 2 next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment