Friday, April 5, 2013

Dishonest feelings.

I resisted so much, trying to figure what the hell is wrong, and then try not to blog. But here it is now. I am sorry.

Did he actually said that he TRIED to like me? Damn you. Is this suppose to say that I force you to like me? Ask yourself, did you even give me a proper answer? Yes is yes and no is no, and to think that when I first asked you, you said the former answer. And THEN it changed to nothing. You said about your own feelings about this relationship and then it was suppose to be a rejection. I know better that I had just got rejected that night. It was cool afterwards, with ONLY ME stubborn to wield it tighter. And then what happened? Did I even ACTUALLY get a "no"? No, I don't think so. I think that saying something like, 'I will not like you reluctantly any more''我不会勉强再喜欢你', this is like world's-big-joke. You said it yourself that we haven't sort it out and it turned out disastrous. But then you were reluctant to like me? Are you just as dishonest to your own feelings as to me? Why are you forcing yourself to even have feelings in me when actually have zero? Why cannot you just say it straight? And even if you did not say it straight, you should not have said that you will never like me reluctantly any more, which is saying that you have felt reluctant to like me before, and that makes me the culprit for stopping you to find the one you actually like. You are said to be smart and I admired you for that but now I just felt like I just fell for the worst guy ever. So yes I am angry. I dunno is this some sort of grammar mistake or wrong choice of vocabulary, but I even have to check the dictionary to see if my chinese was that bad to understand the meaning of “勉强”.

If I was wrong about you then I am terribly sorry, and I sincerely apologized to you, Teh Chi En.
Other than that, I am just as obsessive and will not want to have any messages about this from you.
And yes I am somewhat a coward to not ask it straight at your face, and I am sorry, please forgive me.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Gotten pranked

OMG I got fooled!! I have been April Fooled.
Wahaha I didn't even know if there is even a time distance between Taiwan and Malaysia, and I still don't know now. :P
Sheesh, you gave me damn fright and I am feeling so nostalgic about it now. Laugh out loud and cry me a river. I have never felt this stupid and dumb. So I shall again give you a BIG fucking middle's-up.

And why don't you just go get a life and fuck yourself.

I don't feel like clarifying myself for being this rude but here's my point, It's April Fool and of course someone will fool someone. I am not a saint, I am not God, I don't know if someone was trying to fool me, of course I don't know. So if I take this unknown statement seriously, then I am fooled, which leads the prankster to succeed. And in order to succeed, he has to pay the price, which is to get kicked-ass. And to me, it IS like something serious and my friends who knew it out was like, nah, must be April's Fool Joke, but not me. Why not? Because they didn't take his fucking shit seriously, and why? Because they didn't fucking give a shit about him like I did. So is it now my fault now because I am so stuck-up and always get into other people's business? No, I don't think so. It's freaking Facebook, it's like a book of rubbish, junk and a world's diary. So if fanurs en is trying to be smart then he should just blocked me from seeing his open relationship, but he didn't. Maybe he has amnesia, maybe he does want me to see it, or maybe he is just plain stupid. OR maybe he really likes the girl but then has no courage to continue and so end it like a joke. If it's the first three 'maybe's then  he is just an ass-hole. If it's the last hypothesis then I shall truly give him a salute and congratulate him for "playing well".  I found out that I have this shitty weakness believing in someone so easily. So now is it actually my problem because I am so weak that I cannot differentiate truth and lies? I don't know what Mr. Teh is trying to do, what are his motives but I do fell for him once. So if whatever he is doing makes him happy, I am willing to accept. But it is a little different NOW. Because now I get to say what I thought about him and his behaviour. I get to say what I want. And he cannot stop me. Wow I am acting like a self-centred bitch.

When I saw the statement, I was like is this even real!??? And then I just went into a mini-trauma and said to myself, well if they really want to be together should I give him some advice? Hmm..... maybe something encouraging, some congratulations, and also not to make the same *ehem* 'mistakes'. But of course no, because even I myself was struggling. And in the morning I finally believed the story. And then it came to this.

Now I am confused. I don't know what is he trying to play. So if he had anything to say, or he rather just shut up, his choice.

And a side-note, I think that it HAS happened. Happened to be an insult.

Monday, April 1, 2013

1st of April

I am really glad, that he posted his oh-so-finally, touching, and expected lovey-dovey relationship on Facebook YESTERDAY. Because after all I have gone through today, I wouldn't take it so seriously. (Hint* hint*)
Unfortunately, my that's so sarcastic, he wouldn't have to worry much cause I never believed him again. So I hereby and solemnly give you/him a TWO big middles-up.

I shed a tear at school today because it's so freaking exhausting and I have to keep up with a lot of things. Exams are near and the only successful revision I did are the Chinese Idioms. And I shall continue later on because I have to ace it, and my tests are already failing me.

Today I resented Facebook because it's always distracting me, and I then embraced televisions. Pointless effort. And now I shall resented this stupid computer and also television and my phone because some particular people hated me for it.

April's fool is a fucking fright, and I swear that I will never ever touched Facebook on every year on this day. Because I almost died.