Hong Kong

This post is gonna be fun.

My cousin/ mother bought me my dream wallet. Thank them very very much, deepest from my heart. (Long story).

I finally figured out why Zoe doesn't really get anxious or worried about buying such an expensive gift for me. So here is supposedly why.

So about Zoe, she studied for 4 years in Australia, and then came back to HK to work. The thing is, she majors in accounting, but now works as a nurse with a brain surgeons. Weird eh? But somehow impressive. Anyway, today we had another family dinner, And we talked. So I asked her how much does she earn being a nurse. And she replied 15000 HKD per month ( I will be using HKD, fyi, RM1 = HKD 2.10)

As I volunteered in a vet clinic, here's another teeny data, a side kick veterinarian (doctor) earned about maximum 11000 HKD, even lesser than being a nurse working in a clinic. 

In my paternal family, two of my aunts are primary school teacher. One of them is Zoe's mother, so I will take her as an example. She has worked in the school for a lot of years, she probably be the highest rank among the teachers, like 主任 or something. And her monthly wages are 50000 HKD. And it's only primary school. Zoe told me if it's in secondary school, university, even as a normal 助理, one can earn up to 100000 HKD. 

And I asked her, is it hard to become a teacher? And she laughed, like it's probably one of the most easiest jobs. Especially in languages, like Chinese and English. A tuition teacher that teaches English can earn up to 500 HKD per hour. Zoe also told me that teachers in HK are the most expensive in the whole world. So if interested in teaching, go to HK bah.

As for life in HK, of course 生活素質 damn high. For example, a breakfast in a normal 茶餐室 could be 100-200 HKD. A skirt can be 300 HKD, a wallet can be 900 HKD, and a large family reunion can be 3000-4000 HKD. 

Eventually, between HK and Malaysia, which is better? I suppose there is no win or lose, because things in Malaysia are cheap. But for me, HK. Because just being a teacher, you basically can compete with an amateur doctor in Malaysia. Gosh, mind-blowing!

But my cousin work as hard as anyone, but she lives really happily with her mother. And her boyfriend haha. I think I really learned a lot from her. 

Hair removal is about 10000 HKD in HK. Just saying.

Carefree

I have always liked the brand "Salad". Like since junior something, it started when I saw Bauhaus in HK, and then when Bauhaus had another side brand "Salad". I've always wanted one of their wallets, when I liked shorter wallets. And now I would like to have a longer one. Just a few days back I saw a wallet, like literally the dream wallet.

I prefer the light pink one but I couldn't find it on the Internet.

DOES ANYBODY IN THE RIGHT MIND WILL BUY THIS?

I mean, it's freaking HKD 895.

No, I didn't buy it, and it makes me somehow sad. But I am still a shitty 18 year old kid, who doesn't have my own income. Yes, I can use my angpow money to buy it, completely easy. 不費吹牛之力. But my mother is definitely not happy about this.

Yesterday I met my cousin Zoe at a family dinner, she was a Salad fan. Was. She still liked it, but not as much a before, said she. But when I told her about it, she just tell me to go ahead. Like man, so easy and I have to make it so complicated. I suppose being in Australia for 4 years, is 24 now, has a job really does change oneself a lot. We went to the shop and she saw it, and she said she will buy it for me, but I keep declining. Is this some sort of Chinese shit? Like we keep declining people, disobeying out hearts. Yes yes yes I want it. But of course we still didn't buy it.

The above paragraph is a piece of long ass shitty paragraph. Absolute no essence and no point. Long story with no  end.

In the end, I just have to give up. I suppose all those materialism thing has gotten into me hard. Like straight wham! 

I feel like I'm expecting too much. Like too much from everyone. From myself. It makes me so cruel and so greedy. I don't wanna expect anymore, but it's so difficult. Like I don't even realise it when I'm giving harsh feedbacks and comments. I think a lot of people don't like me for it? 

Oh dear. I really have to change this. Like be this carefree person, not so much expectations, follow the boat sort of people. Like Jer Vain, who is always so happy. Because she is so carefree. No expectations. Which suits me just fine. 

Thoughts in the morning.

I think I have always remember it, the words that are spoken from my wise cousin's (Zoe) mouth.

"And Beethoven is deaf." 

She said, when I was 14, sitting with my paternal family, a reunion dinner.

And I will always remember, it will be what motivates me, and keeps pushing me forward. Even if she doesn't realise it.

And I love her so much for it. Thanks. :)

Random

After a way long gap, I decided to come back to here. In random.
I really need a song right now, any song, to think just last year I found lots of good songs probably every day, and now I am just so lost. And wondering where is Taylor Swift's "Style" or why isn't uploaded yet. I think that nowadays copyright issues are so boom, that I even thought that Taylor Swift vevo is gonna be taken down sooner or later. I mean, she holds on to copyright so damn tightly. She must really have it going because she probably took out all those music on the china music apps and such, and that I have to only rely on Spotify to hear her music. I confess that I only opened Spotify ONCE, because I don't have data, and even if I have wifi, I won't be opening Spotify hahaha. So pointless, should be uninstalling right now.

I wonder if one person likes something, is it because someone in his/her life also likes it too? I don't know, just wondering. Because I used to love TS, but now, still do, just not as much and it was because something gone. Does this also counts as trauma? Something or someone broke you, and whatever is playing at that time, you hated it now. Pavlov experiment.

These days my mind wandering and mood swinging. I feel so bad la. Just feeling bad for everything. Basically just everything. I think I am crazy, in a bad way. So bad. I must be positive, must face obstacle, but now I just want to run away from everything, especially relationships, with everybody. Just be the alone person I wanted to be and I used to be. Not into complicated stories, dramatic scenes, and bitching peoples. I wanna be positive although I am aware that nothing I wrote here is positive. Hahahaha. I suddenly found out, in random, that the best relationships are simple. As simple as a piece of paper. And I don't mean those love triangle and shit, or friends talking behind your backs, no no, not those shit, never happens for real even. What I mean is that it's so blank, so plain, no complicated thoughts, no suspicions, and terribly terribly honest. I think that when a relationship is no more honest then it's better be gone. I find it extremely hard to be honest with someone, either I tell a lie, or I keep quiet about it. If you keep quiet, then it wouldn't be a lie. Which is why we always prefer the latter. I feel that in here, in this country, it's still conservative. People are not really open-minded enough to accept other people. I won't talk much about this, but I do have a lot of flaws, I sometimes feel and see things differently than others, which is why most don't accept me?

Back to para 2, I still have a lot of time in here, and I wish to go out. So I find the need to blend in. But now, I am afraid, once I blend in, I can never go back, I will be like those people, conservative. And then I will forget myself, and can never remember back. Sort of a trauma, like Pavlov.

I am sure I am not talking any sense in here, although I wish that I can truly understand people, to have empathy, to make myself into other people feelings and feel what they have go through. I vow to be a better person, to help everyone I can, to forgive AND to forget, to be kind, to be thoughtful, to be gentle, to be quiet, to be beautiful, to be thin, to be happy, to be positive, to be red in the core, to be humorous, to be hardworking, to be lovely, to be lovable, to be crazy in a good way, to be everything that is perfect. Like Perfect.

I really am skeptical about myself, cannot see any good in me. No one really praised me. And laughed at me.

So I find, I feel the need to change, from deep down, from the core to the outside. I am corrupted in my own way, I want to trans, to shed my old skin. I want to think in a larger range, for real, to put myself into someone shoes.

I told you this is going to be random. Which is why it's confusing I know.

From now on, I am going to be positive. I will try to be.
I will control my anger and my mood swings, I will do what my guts told me to do, I wouldn't care for any comments about me as long as I am doing the right thing. I want to be myself, when I love myself that thinks differently than other, but more gentle, more positive, and that everyday is going to be a good and happy day, to set goals for myself, to ask when I am lost, and to teach when others are lost.

That's it. My new year's resolution, which I only decided now, is to be the person I love the most.