love

If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?

If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?

-Clarity

2 Questions for 2 guys who sort of made my life miserable yet happy. 

For the first question it's for Teh Chi En, because EVERYTHING between us is a tragedy, and then it was only because of him that I finally become the girl that got away. And he is the boy who murdered love. Everything between us is so less, so meaningless.

For the second question it's for a boy, due to even fucking lame privacy, I don't want to say his name, let's just name him 'him'. He is the boy who made love. He made me insane, wanting to love more. And I always thought that I was so strong, and always had an advantage over other people, but not him. He made me feel vulnerable, like if even a day he'd stopped loving, I will crumble to dust, and drown in epilepsy. That's why I need him so badly, he is my clarity.

I fear that I have made a sin so bad that even god can't forgive me and Satan will embrace me. If he left me, I will just find another one similar to him, or even better. This is the only way when I know that I actually had an advantage, and not only being so weak, begging him to not leave me. And that is why I refuse to put down a name for the second guy because I know that I can change it whenever I want.

My perspective of love has changed so much. For three years I struggle like mad, and now is another episode and the past was a stage.

I can be Satan's angel.