Drunk

I woke up at 5:45 a.m. and then everything turned around me. Fast. Very fast.
How long has it been since I woke up and then found out that I didn't actually sleep? And because I was thinking of someone and wondering the things one would do to me.
I was still in my school uniform and didn't even get to have a bath last night.
So I proceeded to take off my clothes, which are rinsed with sweat, and is very disgusted of myself.
Complicated feelings and guiltiness. It wasn't a dream, It was real, and it was probably the most stupidest things I have ever done in my life, or said.
Why, why, why I kept asking myself, and forcing myself to forget but a lot of things flashed by in my mind.I started to revise chemistry but nothing will disappear from my mind. Thank the lord my father walked into my room and tell me go upstairs for breakfast. And thank the lord again because I can still do normal conversations and that made me feel a little bit better.
And my father went to work, my brother went to daycare, and my mother is sleeping. I was lying on the sofa, eating bread, and listening to songs on the tv. Damn it! The conversations, the fantasies, the hallucinations, they all came back, like thousands of waves crashing on me. And I felt nausea. I wanted to stop eating my bread because I felt like vomiting. Eventually I get to finish my bread, and cried. Like screaming for help because it wasn't me that night. I was really drunk.

I was drunk.
Not because of alcohol.
I was drowned by desire.
And desire it was, succumbing me to a deep abyss.
I may never get out.