I love stories. Because there are like a bazillion times when I hoped that I could live a life in any of the stories I have read or heard. For example, I once hoped to be the girl lead in a love story. Like Amy in the 39 clues, plunged in family history of madness. Or I once hoped to meet Lucy in Dirty Little Secrets, when she live in her mother's horror and then burned her house down. Like the girls in a Korean Drama. Or like anybody in "the perks" so I could go high and drink (bad girl).
But then I suppose, if I were to write a book about myself. A story about myself. It would be plain like the diagram of zero heartbeat. A straight line. Plain. Boring. Shy. No climax and no cliffhanger. No coincidence. No luck. Yet.
It's now so rainy and so sad. So sad I even hoped to be the wind now, outside my house, behind my window, blow, make sounds. Sing. Roar. Scream. Dance.
And then I laughed. Because how can a girl fell in love with a geek, a nerd. And then surprisingly that nerd was the one who can helped her and her family through technologies disaster, even though she was in one of the most powerful family in the world. (The 39 Clues)
I am now so obsessed with The 39 Clues. My storytelling sucked. That's why I failed miserably in NIE. Stories popped out in a short time and in an unexpected way. Or when I panicked, like when I can write a story until midnight because the deadline is tomorrow.
Now I hoped to be the thunder. So everybody can listen to me. Selfish, no? It's raining so heavily outside.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Saturday, May 4, 2013
040513
I think that people are destined to do something.
I know this might sound brag or crazy and dumb because my results sucked like shit. A commercial art student says :" I think economy classes are pulling down your grades." And an economy student is then destined to fight back by proving it wrong. So, pull yourselves together, economy friends!
There are times my parents said I should retreat from science because I seem to have a hard time. But no. I just feel so honoured when learning science. I think it's really for me, but my grades doesn't appeal *that* much. I remembered when my first day as a junior, and yes I sucked too so badly during my first exam, because I am totally bewildered and dumb in this total mark and stuff. And then the next exam and until my 3rd year, I have been to top 10 and kept improving. So now as a senior, and halfway to my first year, I think I am about to improve to a higher level. It's like lesson learned. I learned by sucking bad at first. Partly because I still don't know how this senior stuff works out and partly the system changed a little, the syllabus went a whooping high and difficult.
It's really a half year now. So I must really pull myself together.
I know this might sound brag or crazy and dumb because my results sucked like shit. A commercial art student says :" I think economy classes are pulling down your grades." And an economy student is then destined to fight back by proving it wrong. So, pull yourselves together, economy friends!
There are times my parents said I should retreat from science because I seem to have a hard time. But no. I just feel so honoured when learning science. I think it's really for me, but my grades doesn't appeal *that* much. I remembered when my first day as a junior, and yes I sucked too so badly during my first exam, because I am totally bewildered and dumb in this total mark and stuff. And then the next exam and until my 3rd year, I have been to top 10 and kept improving. So now as a senior, and halfway to my first year, I think I am about to improve to a higher level. It's like lesson learned. I learned by sucking bad at first. Partly because I still don't know how this senior stuff works out and partly the system changed a little, the syllabus went a whooping high and difficult.
It's really a half year now. So I must really pull myself together.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
The point
It's been so long since I've updated. We finished our exams yesterday, and before that I have resisted updating "something" during the exams because it's the exams.
Today is not a productive day. Just hanging around in Setia and then Jusco. My family first agreed to watch the movie "Oblivion" but then there's a looong queue and the fastest short-cut to buying a ticket is through the Citibank channel. But then their machine broke, so..... cancelled. :/
Yesterday night is fun. I ate steamboat with my previous classmates and celebrated someone's birthday. "Someone" is because it was the first time we met yesterday. I am so bad in making friends. We have to be in an awkward state for like 5 minutes while others are choosing their food, and then finally shook hands, introducing ourselves. I think I did well! Haha....
At 9:30, Dishenlovestaylor and me are the only person left, and we chatted about music, it's been really so long like we have ever talked about music. I really wanted to share Birdy's song. And Lana's too!! And we talked about our classes, most of me talking about how much pressure there is and everyone is so......... unpredictable. Not in a bad way, honest. I love my class, I love everyone. It is just so different from my junior years. The geniuses are endless, and I am really amused. Honest. I even get to feel good about the most boastful person on the planet I am in. I have a small perspective. I am not mature enough to really see the world. So shall I wait patiently.
I bought two books today. It's rare of me to introduce books. "The perks of being a wallflower" and "The fault in our stars", the exactly same book Dishen bought yesterday. And my mum asked me:" Did you really finished reading all those books you bought?" I lied. For some reason, I really don't like borrowing books, whether it's from friends or library. Because I like making my own library. The Perks is an awesome book. It's a different genre to me. I have never really see so much flow in one whole page. The book exceeds in 'changing the subject' and not letting the reader know about it. Excellent book.
Besides books, I gave up on 甄嬛传, because it frustrates me that I cannot watch after episode 10. I don't know why. So I moved forward to 最佳李纯信. Good!
There is a scary truth. I don't LINE, whatsapp, WeChat. And I don't send messages like my friends around me chatting through their devices. There was time when someone tell me to LINE her, and I told her that I don't know how to LINE. And she said, "Seriously? Are you kidding me?" I was dumbfounded, then why am I downloading these apps? For the cute graphics, and emergencies. So I am learning in whatsapp, as for LINE and WeChat, temporarily in garbage.
Am I going to the point? Yeah, I am. The point is, after so much of struggle, I told two of my tuition teachers I won't be attending their classes anymore. And both of them send "ok" to me. What a relief!! And then I proceeded to whatsapp (see? I am really working hard!) a dance teacher. There are times when I don't know what I am capable of. For example, I gave up the piano because of a tiny "disorder". And when I went back to Hong Kong and told this to my beloved cousin, she said "Oh really? And Beethoven is deaf." Supposedly I kept quiet and reconsidered my decision. I still stopped.
I suppose that there are quite a lot of instruments I can't play well with my unknown disorder. But there is always a way, right? After all, Beethoven is deaf. I will be asking a friend if I can play the guitar with one short of articulatio. You can say I am indecisive, but I say this as searching for my talents, which requires money. And it is ONLY at this time, I hate money.
Today is not a productive day. Just hanging around in Setia and then Jusco. My family first agreed to watch the movie "Oblivion" but then there's a looong queue and the fastest short-cut to buying a ticket is through the Citibank channel. But then their machine broke, so..... cancelled. :/
Yesterday night is fun. I ate steamboat with my previous classmates and celebrated someone's birthday. "Someone" is because it was the first time we met yesterday. I am so bad in making friends. We have to be in an awkward state for like 5 minutes while others are choosing their food, and then finally shook hands, introducing ourselves. I think I did well! Haha....
At 9:30, Dishenlovestaylor and me are the only person left, and we chatted about music, it's been really so long like we have ever talked about music. I really wanted to share Birdy's song. And Lana's too!! And we talked about our classes, most of me talking about how much pressure there is and everyone is so......... unpredictable. Not in a bad way, honest. I love my class, I love everyone. It is just so different from my junior years. The geniuses are endless, and I am really amused. Honest. I even get to feel good about the most boastful person on the planet I am in. I have a small perspective. I am not mature enough to really see the world. So shall I wait patiently.
I bought two books today. It's rare of me to introduce books. "The perks of being a wallflower" and "The fault in our stars", the exactly same book Dishen bought yesterday. And my mum asked me:" Did you really finished reading all those books you bought?" I lied. For some reason, I really don't like borrowing books, whether it's from friends or library. Because I like making my own library. The Perks is an awesome book. It's a different genre to me. I have never really see so much flow in one whole page. The book exceeds in 'changing the subject' and not letting the reader know about it. Excellent book.
Besides books, I gave up on 甄嬛传, because it frustrates me that I cannot watch after episode 10. I don't know why. So I moved forward to 最佳李纯信. Good!
There is a scary truth. I don't LINE, whatsapp, WeChat. And I don't send messages like my friends around me chatting through their devices. There was time when someone tell me to LINE her, and I told her that I don't know how to LINE. And she said, "Seriously? Are you kidding me?" I was dumbfounded, then why am I downloading these apps? For the cute graphics, and emergencies. So I am learning in whatsapp, as for LINE and WeChat, temporarily in garbage.
Am I going to the point? Yeah, I am. The point is, after so much of struggle, I told two of my tuition teachers I won't be attending their classes anymore. And both of them send "ok" to me. What a relief!! And then I proceeded to whatsapp (see? I am really working hard!) a dance teacher. There are times when I don't know what I am capable of. For example, I gave up the piano because of a tiny "disorder". And when I went back to Hong Kong and told this to my beloved cousin, she said "Oh really? And Beethoven is deaf." Supposedly I kept quiet and reconsidered my decision. I still stopped.
I suppose that there are quite a lot of instruments I can't play well with my unknown disorder. But there is always a way, right? After all, Beethoven is deaf. I will be asking a friend if I can play the guitar with one short of articulatio. You can say I am indecisive, but I say this as searching for my talents, which requires money. And it is ONLY at this time, I hate money.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Dishonest feelings.
I resisted so much, trying to figure what the hell is wrong, and then try not to blog. But here it is now. I am sorry.
Did he actually said that he TRIED to like me? Damn you. Is this suppose to say that I force you to like me? Ask yourself, did you even give me a proper answer? Yes is yes and no is no, and to think that when I first asked you, you said the former answer. And THEN it changed to nothing. You said about your own feelings about this relationship and then it was suppose to be a rejection. I know better that I had just got rejected that night. It was cool afterwards, with ONLY ME stubborn to wield it tighter. And then what happened? Did I even ACTUALLY get a "no"? No, I don't think so. I think that saying something like, 'I will not like you reluctantly any more''我不会勉强再喜欢你', this is like world's-big-joke. You said it yourself that we haven't sort it out and it turned out disastrous. But then you were reluctant to like me? Are you just as dishonest to your own feelings as to me? Why are you forcing yourself to even have feelings in me when actually have zero? Why cannot you just say it straight? And even if you did not say it straight, you should not have said that you will never like me reluctantly any more, which is saying that you have felt reluctant to like me before, and that makes me the culprit for stopping you to find the one you actually like. You are said to be smart and I admired you for that but now I just felt like I just fell for the worst guy ever. So yes I am angry. I dunno is this some sort of grammar mistake or wrong choice of vocabulary, but I even have to check the dictionary to see if my chinese was that bad to understand the meaning of “勉强”.
If I was wrong about you then I am terribly sorry, and I sincerely apologized to you, Teh Chi En.
Other than that, I am just as obsessive and will not want to have any messages about this from you.
And yes I am somewhat a coward to not ask it straight at your face, and I am sorry, please forgive me.
Did he actually said that he TRIED to like me? Damn you. Is this suppose to say that I force you to like me? Ask yourself, did you even give me a proper answer? Yes is yes and no is no, and to think that when I first asked you, you said the former answer. And THEN it changed to nothing. You said about your own feelings about this relationship and then it was suppose to be a rejection. I know better that I had just got rejected that night. It was cool afterwards, with ONLY ME stubborn to wield it tighter. And then what happened? Did I even ACTUALLY get a "no"? No, I don't think so. I think that saying something like, 'I will not like you reluctantly any more''我不会勉强再喜欢你', this is like world's-big-joke. You said it yourself that we haven't sort it out and it turned out disastrous. But then you were reluctant to like me? Are you just as dishonest to your own feelings as to me? Why are you forcing yourself to even have feelings in me when actually have zero? Why cannot you just say it straight? And even if you did not say it straight, you should not have said that you will never like me reluctantly any more, which is saying that you have felt reluctant to like me before, and that makes me the culprit for stopping you to find the one you actually like. You are said to be smart and I admired you for that but now I just felt like I just fell for the worst guy ever. So yes I am angry. I dunno is this some sort of grammar mistake or wrong choice of vocabulary, but I even have to check the dictionary to see if my chinese was that bad to understand the meaning of “勉强”.
If I was wrong about you then I am terribly sorry, and I sincerely apologized to you, Teh Chi En.
Other than that, I am just as obsessive and will not want to have any messages about this from you.
And yes I am somewhat a coward to not ask it straight at your face, and I am sorry, please forgive me.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Gotten pranked
OMG I got fooled!! I have been April Fooled.
Wahaha I didn't even know if there is even a time distance between Taiwan and Malaysia, and I still don't know now. :P
Sheesh, you gave me damn fright and I am feeling so nostalgic about it now. Laugh out loud and cry me a river. I have never felt this stupid and dumb. So I shall again give you a BIG fucking middle's-up.
And why don't you just go get a life and fuck yourself.
I don't feel like clarifying myself for being this rude but here's my point, It's April Fool and of course someone will fool someone. I am not a saint, I am not God, I don't know if someone was trying to fool me, of course I don't know. So if I take this unknown statement seriously, then I am fooled, which leads the prankster to succeed. And in order to succeed, he has to pay the price, which is to get kicked-ass. And to me, it IS like something serious and my friends who knew it out was like, nah, must be April's Fool Joke, but not me. Why not? Because they didn't take his fucking shit seriously, and why? Because they didn't fucking give a shit about him like I did. So is it now my fault now because I am so stuck-up and always get into other people's business? No, I don't think so. It's freaking Facebook, it's like a book of rubbish, junk and a world's diary. So if fanurs en is trying to be smart then he should just blocked me from seeing his open relationship, but he didn't. Maybe he has amnesia, maybe he does want me to see it, or maybe he is just plain stupid. OR maybe he really likes the girl but then has no courage to continue and so end it like a joke. If it's the first three 'maybe's then he is just an ass-hole. If it's the last hypothesis then I shall truly give him a salute and congratulate him for "playing well". I found out that I have this shitty weakness believing in someone so easily. So now is it actually my problem because I am so weak that I cannot differentiate truth and lies? I don't know what Mr. Teh is trying to do, what are his motives but I do fell for him once. So if whatever he is doing makes him happy, I am willing to accept. But it is a little different NOW. Because now I get to say what I thought about him and his behaviour. I get to say what I want. And he cannot stop me. Wow I am acting like a self-centred bitch.
When I saw the statement, I was like is this even real!??? And then I just went into a mini-trauma and said to myself, well if they really want to be together should I give him some advice? Hmm..... maybe something encouraging, some congratulations, and also not to make the same *ehem* 'mistakes'. But of course no, because even I myself was struggling. And in the morning I finally believed the story. And then it came to this.
Now I am confused. I don't know what is he trying to play. So if he had anything to say, or he rather just shut up, his choice.
And a side-note, I think that it HAS happened. Happened to be an insult.
Wahaha I didn't even know if there is even a time distance between Taiwan and Malaysia, and I still don't know now. :P
Sheesh, you gave me damn fright and I am feeling so nostalgic about it now. Laugh out loud and cry me a river. I have never felt this stupid and dumb. So I shall again give you a BIG fucking middle's-up.
And why don't you just go get a life and fuck yourself.
I don't feel like clarifying myself for being this rude but here's my point, It's April Fool and of course someone will fool someone. I am not a saint, I am not God, I don't know if someone was trying to fool me, of course I don't know. So if I take this unknown statement seriously, then I am fooled, which leads the prankster to succeed. And in order to succeed, he has to pay the price, which is to get kicked-ass. And to me, it IS like something serious and my friends who knew it out was like, nah, must be April's Fool Joke, but not me. Why not? Because they didn't take his fucking shit seriously, and why? Because they didn't fucking give a shit about him like I did. So is it now my fault now because I am so stuck-up and always get into other people's business? No, I don't think so. It's freaking Facebook, it's like a book of rubbish, junk and a world's diary. So if fanurs en is trying to be smart then he should just blocked me from seeing his open relationship, but he didn't. Maybe he has amnesia, maybe he does want me to see it, or maybe he is just plain stupid. OR maybe he really likes the girl but then has no courage to continue and so end it like a joke. If it's the first three 'maybe's then he is just an ass-hole. If it's the last hypothesis then I shall truly give him a salute and congratulate him for "playing well". I found out that I have this shitty weakness believing in someone so easily. So now is it actually my problem because I am so weak that I cannot differentiate truth and lies? I don't know what Mr. Teh is trying to do, what are his motives but I do fell for him once. So if whatever he is doing makes him happy, I am willing to accept. But it is a little different NOW. Because now I get to say what I thought about him and his behaviour. I get to say what I want. And he cannot stop me. Wow I am acting like a self-centred bitch.
When I saw the statement, I was like is this even real!??? And then I just went into a mini-trauma and said to myself, well if they really want to be together should I give him some advice? Hmm..... maybe something encouraging, some congratulations, and also not to make the same *ehem* 'mistakes'. But of course no, because even I myself was struggling. And in the morning I finally believed the story. And then it came to this.
Now I am confused. I don't know what is he trying to play. So if he had anything to say, or he rather just shut up, his choice.
And a side-note, I think that it HAS happened. Happened to be an insult.
Monday, April 1, 2013
1st of April
I am really glad, that he posted his oh-so-finally, touching, and expected lovey-dovey relationship on Facebook YESTERDAY. Because after all I have gone through today, I wouldn't take it so seriously. (Hint* hint*)
Unfortunately, my that's so sarcastic, he wouldn't have to worry much cause I never believed him again. So I hereby and solemnly give you/him a TWO big middles-up.
I shed a tear at school today because it's so freaking exhausting and I have to keep up with a lot of things. Exams are near and the only successful revision I did are the Chinese Idioms. And I shall continue later on because I have to ace it, and my tests are already failing me.
Today I resented Facebook because it's always distracting me, and I then embraced televisions. Pointless effort. And now I shall resented this stupid computer and also television and my phone because some particular people hated me for it.
April's fool is a fucking fright, and I swear that I will never ever touched Facebook on every year on this day. Because I almost died.
Unfortunately, my that's so sarcastic, he wouldn't have to worry much cause I never believed him again. So I hereby and solemnly give you/him a TWO big middles-up.
I shed a tear at school today because it's so freaking exhausting and I have to keep up with a lot of things. Exams are near and the only successful revision I did are the Chinese Idioms. And I shall continue later on because I have to ace it, and my tests are already failing me.
Today I resented Facebook because it's always distracting me, and I then embraced televisions. Pointless effort. And now I shall resented this stupid computer and also television and my phone because some particular people hated me for it.
April's fool is a fucking fright, and I swear that I will never ever touched Facebook on every year on this day. Because I almost died.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
End of March
He says that he will be back at end April. That makes a month of countdown. And today Xiaxue is giving birth to her first child!! :D
It makes me wonder how time flies so quickly. When I first found out that my favourite blogger is pregnant for 3 months (due to superstitions), I was like "wah, need so much patience to wait for the baby to come out. How to tahan for another 7 months?". And then NOW Xiaxue announced that she's is resting, and excitedly waiting for a new life to come to this world.
So time flies.
And it's the end of March, I am completely exhausted.
My homeworks are half half finished, my tests are 50:50, and my Biology notes are 70%, my room is 0% progress, my biology model is 1%, and I am going to be 60% dead tomorrow if I 100% did nothing later after finish typing this post.So to turn 60% to 90%, I will have to use the remaining 12.5% time in a day to finish. And since there's only 11.67% left to the remaining 12.5% in a day, I will wisely use it.
The end. -.-
It makes me wonder how time flies so quickly. When I first found out that my favourite blogger is pregnant for 3 months (due to superstitions), I was like "wah, need so much patience to wait for the baby to come out. How to tahan for another 7 months?". And then NOW Xiaxue announced that she's is resting, and excitedly waiting for a new life to come to this world.
So time flies.
And it's the end of March, I am completely exhausted.
My homeworks are half half finished, my tests are 50:50, and my Biology notes are 70%, my room is 0% progress, my biology model is 1%, and I am going to be 60% dead tomorrow if I 100% did nothing later after finish typing this post.So to turn 60% to 90%, I will have to use the remaining 12.5% time in a day to finish. And since there's only 11.67% left to the remaining 12.5% in a day, I will wisely use it.
The end. -.-
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