Sudden thoughts.

I must be devastated by now. Because I just got back to typing. Here. My mind was swirling with lots of thoughts from the moment I went to prepare dinner, reinstalled the blogger app, and stopped. This is ridiculous. So indulged, that immediately I found out I cannot even type properly, probably lack of practise and the only thing from stopping me for the backspace button is autocorrect. Salute that. I have to say when that time I had the intention of writing a new post using a computer was disintegrated because there is probably no autocorrect on the computer, which is...encouraging I suppose.

The holiday has been long, nevertheless trashy. I spent most of the time watching TV and anime. Worrying what to do with my hair loss and stuff. Finding who is to blame for my heartbreak of certain stuff. And my passion for astronomy.

I must be desperate to do some self-reflect on to my performance this year as chairman of the Astronomy society. I was utterly disgusted by the teacher's criticism. I am not a Mac Donald's CEO and I do not need to treat my fellow piers as employees in a fast food restaurant. If Mac Donald is to be broke because of the laziness of the workers, it is not to be blame entirely onto the CEO. I'm truly hurt and this is the least I can expect from a teacher's advice. Anyway, the thing of suggesting me to open a blog, conducting a Cloud Drive, these are all useful and I am impressed. I discussed these matters with my classmates, and they do have interesting opinions. I think regarding the situation that the new members are mostly spoilt brats and has zero to none sense of responsibility, actions has to be made. In my limited knowledge and intellect, I'll try to do this Cloud thing during the December holidays, assuming I'm going to sit for the SPM exams which is only one week behind. God bless me. I shall get back to the incident where I discussed the problem with my classmates, because I don't feel like leaving it behind. I might forget about it. Basically the thing is to find a way to pass every responsibility, and that is not enough, we are probably talking about a dynasty, where time is crucial and important for a thing to long last. But I suppose time is the only thing we never have, because every year the experienced gone and every year the new comes in. It all matters to one's will in pursuing the very first passion. I do hope that's is me. But things have been out of controlled lately.

I must be not making sense at all, but I don't mind, I think writing is what best for me right now. About those thought, I was  indulged into thoughts. For example the two explanations that my bra is getting tighter, my motivation for SPM, my motivation for UEC. Questioning myself, my passion for astronomy, my passion for books, my passion for knowledge and  intellect. These are questions I would hope never need to be questioned. I hoped to be as real as possible, as truthful as it seems. Like why do we dream about others when we already had one, why we seek for lustful pleasures and somehow yearn for pride and succumb in greed. Why I don't feel hope in relationships, like they will always be left behind, blew away like soaring winds. The struggle to pursue a dream in both country and city. I admire the organised living in Japan, I too admire the serene life in a countryside. These are my life goals and I really hope they were meant for me. 

Overall, it's just a life. And I must be here for a reason. To live a life extraordinary. Extra happy? Or extra sad? That is the question.

To be a pessimist, I somehow get to stiff onto things, and it's pointless if I live a life so dark and bland. Somehow i just wondered if anyone could ask me about my frequent headaches and hair loss. I'm not bald yet hahaha. These are nonsense, they just inspired me to write more and think more. The thoughts I never want to be forgotten. I should say goodnight. I'm beat.